Most children are truly not ready at two years of age to potty train. Yes, toddlers are physically capable of using the toilet, but they lack the judgment to respond to their bodies’ signals in a timely manner. There will always be accidents along the path to toilet self-sufficiency. But occasional accidents that can be explained—like not getting to the bathroom fast enough, was too busy playing, or struggling to self-regulate—are NOT considered an official potty-training regression.
“A true regression looks like [the training] just falls apart,” says Glowacki. Some regressions can seem retaliatory, she says. For example, if your preschooler pees on the couch every time you breastfeed the baby. Regressions typically occur when kids are going through an upheaval, such as a divorce, a new sibling, starting preschool, changing classrooms, or simply changing teachers. “The root of the problem is not that they’re peeing all over the place,” says Glowacki. “That’s a symptom of the problem.”
Try to identify the reason for your kid’s regression and then chat with them about it, without leading your child, help them find the language to explain how they are feeling. “You wanted to keep playing, so you chose to pee in your pants. I understand that sometimes it is hard to stop what you’re doing to go to the potty. However, it only takes a few minutes to go. It takes longer to clean you up. Next time you don’t want to stop playing ask the Teacher/Parent if you can continue playing after you have gone potty. So, you have more time to play.” “Let’s practice what are you going to say the next time you don’t want to stop playing to go to the potty?” OR “You were afraid to ask to go potty. It can be a scary thing when you’re in a new place or have a different teacher. However, when your body tells you, “it’s time” you must go. You must listen to your body and go potty or you will wet your pants.”
Tell me what will happen if you don’t ask to use the restroom when your body tells you “it’s time.” Young children do not have the words, to express how they are feeling. They must be encouraged and coached on what to say, so they get what they (YOU) want.
Go to extra lengths to validate their feelings and let them know they have been heard. Try not to use language such as, “Look at what a good big sister you are!” “You pee’d in your pants, I’m so disappointed.” Instead build up your kid’s autonomy through actions that highlight their capabilities. Maybe let them help you with big-kid jobs like preparing dinner, so they can feel proud of their abilities—this also highlights the benefits of being older.
When they fail…I know you must be disappointed or frustrated, but it is okay, we all make mistakes, we’ll clean you up and try again later.” OR
When they are successful…”Look at you, you remembered how important it is to get to the potty on time. You must be so proud of yourself. This tactic should tackle the underlying reason for the relapse.
Written by...ReGina Harvey M.Ed.
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